Bodhi put up with me working late a lot this week so as a Friday surprise—a new bag of his favorite squeaky balls! There was a time when Friday night was for going out but these days this is more my speed, hanging out on the couch with a glass of wine and my kooky pup.
Support group musings
The adoption agency I am working with (IAC/Independent Adoption Center) has monthly support groups. I braved the rush hour traffic tonight to go to this month’s meeting which was focused on the hospital visit. I am not feeling anywhere near the point of heading to the hospital to meet my baby and his birthmom (though, as they say, you never know when fate will intervene), but I decided to go to the meeting because I’ve been feeling a little down about being in this “waiting” limbo state and I thought it might help to connect with other families. It was a smaller more intimate meeting than others I have been to but really helpful. There were two families who brought their recently adopted newborns.Both were such cuties and about Otto’s age so of course I missed Otto. There were three other people prospective adoptive parents (a couple and a half of a couple), all of whom are, like me, in waiting limbo. Most have been waiting a lot longer than I have so I felt a bit bad to be feeling restless. Some had suffered through some really difficult situations on their adoption journey and their willingness to share even these most difficult stories and feelings was touching. For all of us throwing our lots into the open adoption lottery—adoptive and wanna-be parents and birthparents alike—this is such a giant leap of faith. There are so many unknowns and no guarantees. The whole process is for the sake of this baby and the fated “match”, but we are as much committing to each other, enjoining our lives (whether to lesser or greater degree), our families, our hopes and dreams for this child. I’ll be honest and say that at times, this all feels very weighty and I’ll admit as well that this was probably more than I expected to take on when I started this process. But at the same time, despite the complexities, the unknowns, the angst and yes, even the waiting, I feel fully committed to this path and confident that it will work out . The adoption counselor kept telling us “in the end, it will all be worth it.” I believe her, even if its hard to feel that now.
Choosing Family
“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.”
–Desmond Tutu
Daddy’s girl
Me and my Dad
Today is my Dad’s birthday. He would have been 87 today. My Dad would have loved being an Opa. He was unfailingly proud of his kids, but I think always a little disappointed at not having grandkids. My Dad didn’t have an easy life but he also knew he had a very lucky life in many ways. He was born just before WWII and spent the first half of his life in Germany, during a difficult period of history, his family and home destroyed by war and the aftermath. He moved our family to the US when I was five, drawn by a better life in a country he has always admired, and started over again in his early forties. He always said his family, and especially we three kids, were the most important thing he ever did. My Dad believed strongly in social justice, fairness, helping others and lived by a strong moral compass. He instilled that same sense of right and wrong in his kids and I know I owe my own sense of fairness and justice to him. My persistence and stubborn streak I get from him as well. He was headstrong and believed strongly in what he believed in, even in the face of seeming to a little “out there” at times. He was a computer nerd before computer nerds were cool. He was not shy to write letters to the editor protesting whatever the latest world or local injustice might be and what teenage daughter in a small town wants that type of attention. He was not definitely not your typical Dad in many ways, but I couldn’t imagine a better father and I miss him very much. Happy birthday, Daddy. I love you very much!
What I did this summer: college reunion
In May, over Memorial Day weekend, I went to my 25th college reunion at Brown. I must say that I’m not one usually prone to nostalgia and would probably not have decided to go on my own initiative, but two of my resolutions this year were to be more open to adventure and to reconnect with friends. So, when my friend Beth, suggested we go, I was all in. We stayed in the dorms (which shockingly have not changed much in 25 years) and had a great time going to Campus Dance, catching up with old classmates and walking down College Hill in the graduation processional. I had a nice time walking around Providence, happy to see that some of my old haunts were still there. 
Brown has a really lovely tradition of having the reunion classes walk down the hill in advance of the graduating class, so that all the alumni end of lining the path as the graduating students walk to their graduation ceremonies. You really see a gradient of time along the route, from the class celebrating their 70th year reunion (!) to the current fresh-faced class. I didn’t think we looked so bad for 25 years on! In fact, it’s hard for me to believe its been a quarter century. It feels like just yesterday that we were stepping out into the world, newly minted grads. Sure, I feel older and wiser in some ways (at least on good days), but fundamentally I feel not so different from the person I was back then.
What I did this summer: becoming an Auntie!
Me, my little brother and baby Otto
This summer was a busy and eventful one, with vacations, work travel, projects on deck. There’s a lot to write about, so let me start with the most exciting summer event …the arrival of my nephew Otto. My baby brother Philip (even at 40 plus he’s still my baby brother!) is a Dad.It’s been so special to be a part of Philip and Evan’s (his girlfriend) pregnancy journey this past year. And I’ve been eagerly anticipating Otto’s arrival all year. Since I live in California and they live in Connecticut, the logistics of getting there in time for his arrival were not trivial. And Otto didn’t quite stick to the schedule. After three separate trips East and thanks to accrued United miles, it all worked out. Little Otto came into the world June 14th, just after midnight, and I was able to be there and hold him right after he was born. He’s perfect and I’m in love. It meant so much to be there and I want to thank Philip and Evan from the bottom of my heart for that experience. We’ve not had many happy family milestones the last few years but this stood out as a truly happy and blessed day. My Mom and Dad would have been so proud. A lot of people have asked whether it has been hard to watch others bring babies into the world when I am waiting and hoping for my own. To be honest, I wondered about that myself but surprisingly, it has not felt hard at all. Of course, it does make me yearn even more to be a Mom and have a family of my own but not in a way that feels empty or sad. It’s been an amazing experience to become an Auntie and I know it will be even more amazing to be a Mom. And of course, I am so looking forward to Otto having a cousin to grow up with.
shark attack!
Zurich stork sighting!
Stork sighting!
Zurich at dusk
Zurich Stork Sighting: I was in Zurich for a work trip this past weekend, and what did I see on my walk around town—a stork! I’m considering it a good sign!
Well, hello there!
Waiting for my stork
Welcome to my blog! My very first blog! I’ve started this blog as a place to write about my adoption journey—for myself, for my family and friends, for potential birth moms and families, and someday, for you, my little one, to learn what my life and world were like before you came along.
Where to start? Just getting to the point of deciding to blog was a BIG deal for me. Aside from being a blogging newbie and generally overwhelmed by the online world, I’ve never kept a diary or been much into journal writing and I’ve never been all that comfortable about having my life out there visible in the online world. I’m a Facebook lurker not a poster. I’ve managed to avoid, for many years now, the pressure of having my photo on my work’s webpage. Those of you who know me well, know that I’m at heart a very private person, so this is a whole new experience. But, one of the many things that the adoption process teaches you, is to embrace openness and leave any qualms you might have had about privacy behind. So far, this has been one of the (many) unexpected gifts of taking this leap of faith towards adoption—becoming a more open person, not only about adoption but other parts of life too. More on that later.
Before I go, some of you who may not be fully immersed in the world of babies and baby iconography, may ask about the title I chose. In Germany, where I’m from, the folklore goes that storks deliver babies to eagerly awaiting families via the chimney of their house. Well, I’m ready for my stork to arrive…very, very ready.
Waiting for my stork 